Voldie's Last Stand
by Fearthainn
Summary: Very, very silly response to a challenge posted on the DGFanfiction list. Me being goofy.


Voldie's Last Stand

The Challenge: place- hmm, Knockturn Alley to start with, line is "I thought Dumbledore had purple underwear, not orange" and the objects are a neon pink wig, a butterfly hair clip, a box of Kleenex, and exactly three Galleons, seven Sickles and thirteen Knuts as change from a purchase. Oh, and an engagement ring. 

Voldie's Last Stand

By Fearthainn

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Knockturn Alley

A thin, high voice was emanating from a dark-cloaked figure, which dominated the small shop. "That will be perfect, yes…"

The shopkeeper's hand was shaking in terror as he held out a handful of change. "H-h-here you go sir, 3 galleons, 7 sickles, 13 knuts change. And your purchase," he handed over a small, gaily wrapped box. "I'm sure your lady-friend will be th-th-thrilled, sir!"

His only answer was a maniacal laugh and a flash of green light.

~*~

Ginny sat in the Great Hall, a box of Kleenex on the Gryffindor table in front of her and a sea of anxious faces around her. 

"Gin, honey, calm down, it's not worth getting so upset over!" Ron said, gently yet somewhat exasperated. 

Ginny glanced down the table, where Harry's black head was bent close to Lavender Brown's yellow one and burst into fresh tears. "He's never going to l-l-l-love me!" she wailed. Hermione patted her awkwardly on the shoulder and the crowd murmured sympathetically.

"Well, you gotta admit, Lavender's a hottie, and let's face it Gin, blondes have more fun," Ron said thoughtlessly, only to be brained by Hermione (and several other dark-haired girls in succession).

"What's going on here?" a new voice asked, and the crowd parted to reveal the figure of Draco Malfoy, black cloak billowing behind him, legs clad in tight black leather, his hair in a silver halo around his head, gray eyes glowing. He strode over to Ginny and sank to his knees beside her. "Ginny, don't cry over Potter, he's a git. You need a REAL man!"

The crowd of students gasped as Draco swept Ginny off her feet and kissed her deeply. "I'll make you forget Harry!" he said when he let her up for air.

"Oh, Draco! Harry who?" Ginny swooned, and dragged him down for another smooch. Ron made gagging sounds in the background but was quickly shushed by all the girls in the room, who were giggling over the romance of it all.

Suddenly, there was a huge crash, and the whole back of the Great Hall was blown away. A small crowd of Death Eaters stood in the rubble, cackling maniacally, like the tall figure in their centre. Screams echoed through the hall as the Death Eaters started to stun the panicking students. Harry jumped up on the table and shoved Lavender behind him, her hair flying out of her butterfly hair clip and spilling fetchingly about her face. Ginny scowled at the other girl, but was distracted by Draco doing something extremely interesting to her neck. "You won't get away with this, Voldemort!" Harry yelled heroically, pointing his wand at the crazed snake man. 

"Bite me, Potter!" Voldemort yelled, and all the Slytherins snickered. Voldemort ignored them all, striding to the head table. He stopped in front of Dumbledore and McGonagall and sneered. "Out of my way, Albus. I've been waiting for a long time to do this!" he cried, and pointed his wand at McGonagall. She was instantly wrapped in magical bonds and levitated over to stand in front of Voldemort. To everyone's surprise, He Who Must Not Be Named sank to one knee. 

"Minerva, my darling," he said to McGonagall, "I should have done this long ago, but I thought I wasn't good enough for you unless I'd conquered the wizarding world. All of my evil has come of believing I wasn't truly good enough for you as the Muggle boy I was. Now I see that I was wrong, and I should have learned to stand on my own merits. So I have come to renounce my wicked ways and ask…will you marry me? I've even bought an engagement ring, see?"

The crowd of students and Death Eaters leaned forward to admire the large diamond set in a lovely band of white gold.

"Oh, Voldie!" Professor McGonagall cried, flinging her arms around him. "All you had to do was ask! Of course I will!"

Everyone in the hall cheered the happy couple. Dumbledore raised his voice over the din. "Let's throw a party!"

Soon everyone was dancing and partying. The Weird Sisters apperated in, set up in one corner and began to jam. Slytherin danced with Gryffindor, Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff, Death Eater with Auror. All grudges were forgotten. Lucius Malfoy begged Hagrid's forgiveness for his cruelty and they wept in each others' arms. Ginny and Draco had found a private corner and were necking like they had no need for air. The twins spiked the pumpkin juice, and were dancing on top of the tables wearing matching pink neon wigs, and Dumbledore and Professor Sprout were swing dancing through the rubble. 

"Hmmm…" Hermione mused as she watched Sprout flip Dumbledore through a particularly complex lift. "I thought Dumbledore had purple underwear, not orange." Then all her thoughts were forgotten as Ron, fortified by several glasses of pumpkin juice, swept her off to a private corner.

And everybody lived happily ever after, especially Ginny because let's face it, all the Harry Potters in the world are no match for Draco in leather.


End file.
